First Holiday Alone painting in progress by Dharma Barbara Rose Guada

i guess i never thought this would happen, me being without you on a holiday. even though holidays were rocky due to your life story and how it all came down on you. against you and how you had to crawl toward where you thought you belonged and how those people let you down.

it was hard to watch you last year feel so ignored and devalued by your family and would be cared abouts. it was actually a very hard holiday season on me, but i got it for you. and thought this one i can pass on, cause next one we will have ... we will play with all of our new friends. which we made and were making.

however i do understand you were right we should have travelled that year. but you were so sick, physically drained, but i now see you were right, we should have headed up north and hung out with the family you were now apart of. then into Manhattan to see the windows in the snow..

so much for waiting for time to find its right place huh...

no it wasn't an easy time due to your life's destruction but you were so worth every minute of it because of who you really were. i keep wanting to say who you are. i guess i am sure ur sitting across the room over watching over my shoulder. if you were alive you wouldn't be able to see what i was writing cause we bath had such bad eyes.

there is a hollow

where

an air is

blowing

past

its filled with

coldness

its empty

its heart hurting

its simply pained

and painful...

c Dharma Barbara Rose G

my book on your life story is going very well. i am so proud of being able to tell your story with feeling and pride that you carried yourself in.

oh yes, my daughter Susan is marring David, in a few days, I need to get on a plane and go. She has told me not to, its just a short thing, but its still her day, I would have loved having our families are out wedding!!!

found out the apartment i rented is under some kine of bi laws thing here, so i can rent it for only six months. by god what a waste of moving time. however i can write here very well. so i shall remain and complete your book.

i love you.................. in your words, " wife" that was me!!!