(above three weeks before you died)
<(to the left you three days in after meeting) Hi darling, its almost Christmas and I am more shaky then before about your death. I guess its this way, we fall about inside the feelings, looking for an image to lead us out. I look for you smiling, laughing face, I review your pictures I took this year and half and see the only sad ones, were of you, after speaking to ether your brother M or mother, or V. and her mother. One of the pictures that is sticking in my head was after we first met and I lived in your apartment, the rental I rented before my return from NY. I have so many pictures of you actually looking the battered woman, the drawn downward face, the acceptance of things you couldn’t change and continued to live with for the reasons, one is you were to sick to be able to make a stronger choice. And people stopped believing in you. And that drained your spirit. I then look at pictures then and then I look of you at our wedding and you were talking in my ear, in a private way we did, there was a half smile on your face. I have many other pictures showing how joyful you were. And what that means to me now. We accomplished much. We accomplished acknowledging the truths of the way you had become used to living; it came out slowly and only because I found you being battered by V. which is ingrained in my heart and soul.
They say the soul is like a sifter, I am waiting for it to sift those images away. I hope they do as the days pass and I am left with only the best of the pictures possible those filled with you feeling safe and loved. Which you were.
I pray that this touches the battered person, and they leave and find the strength to surpass their lives, and separate their battering of all types as a child and find a good life, a safe one, a healthy one, one where they always looking up. Enclosed here are two pictures on when we first met after years of battering. And then our marriage as we left that insanity together. I also found 24 battering issues you were hospitalized and doctors were involved. At times it was said, you fell down the stairs, breaking bones. My darling there were a simple set of five steps it was impossible. But that seem to the way you handled it. You did know and find out before you died that you did not have to live this way. In fact you had to live in love and being loved not misused or used.
I look back at your childhood and get it why you didn’t know the difference. Funny, we can be brilliant, wise, offer incredible advice to others about others for others, but when it comes to our lives, its seemly a secret. A fallen angel
I pray that this touches the battered person, and they leave and find the strength to surpass their lives, and separate their battering of all types as a child and find a good life, a safe one, a healthy one, one where they always looking up. Enclosed here are two pictures on when we first met after years of battering. And then our marriage as we left that insanity together. I also found 24 battering issues you were hospitalized and doctors were involved. At times it was said, you fell down the stairs, breaking bones. My darling there were a simple set of five steps it was impossible. But that seem to the way you handled it. You did know and find out before you died that you did not have to live this way. In fact you had to live in love and being loved not misused or used.
I look back at your childhood and get it why you didn’t know the difference. Funny, we can be brilliant, wise, offer incredible advice to others about others for others, but when it comes to our lives, its seemly a secret. A fallen angel
awaiting our freedom
to fly home... live in
the true light...
I still hear your voice, three days before you died after listening to V, scream at you about money, and how much she hated you. You hung up, turned to me and said, thank you so much for saving my life. You told me that over and over and over again. Along with you’re the only person I know who never wanted anything from me, just wanted to give to me. Your welcome.
To all who have been battered, please remember this if you read it. And to all of you who are batters. Leave, go away, and get help, but most of all just leave. And find yourself a place that will monitor your insanity. Leave people alone.
To all who have been battered, please remember this if you read it. And to all of you who are batters. Leave, go away, and get help, but most of all just leave. And find yourself a place that will monitor your insanity. Leave people alone.
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