Pondering thoughts and rambling moments..

Appropriate
Thought
For Easter

When you watch
So many people sick
Then die, you
Fall into the abyss
Of death…

Each thought is about their
Sickness and death,
Is like that sound one never
Wants to hear, that rattle of breath…
Leaving for the last time…
Their moment
Could there have been anyway
Else to make their lives easier,
Did you do what they needed, do you
Continue.

For what seems an eternity
You relieve the last night on earth
With them..
You see everything they did,
Every move, every word spoken
Every glimmer of hope
Every second
More then every second
And it goes on and on and on..

You find there are no holes, to have been
Filled with something else..

You see the doctors face, as he signals you
Its over…
You see the unknowns that night that you didn’t see
Before…
You see the way their skin looked,
In its radiance that is what its like before the
Their… special look of death…

You see their peace of body being
As it is before, its lifted into the hearse
You… see, and relive every second
Again and again and more than again…

But today I woke without looking for them..
I saw the light of what rebirth might mean..
It may mean since their spirit is really
Gone on, I do not have to relive their death…

I hope this is what it means…

I hope they are all gone onto their
Next becoming…

It’s a bit late unless your looking at death and how that affects all and I have done that since my partner passed away.

At times I think how morbid and other times I think that is apart of why we got together I was taught what I was afraid of the most, dying.

The unknown the restless anxious moments of falling asleep, seeing images of death as they spew themselves before my closed eyes, I am trying to rest god damn it …leave me alone.

I have learned its universal, all cling to living they avert their eyes to their own truth of feeling without their human form. I can allude to death better than anyone I know.

I can chant it into another sphere to find solitude and instead find this constant and haunting truth. One that can not be change.




Shutter at times
As if the cold breeze
Where stalking my body
Shiver
As if the windows were open..
Silenced for when I speak of this
My family seems to collapse so I am in
Silence as am I

Pay for my funeral ahead of time.
How does one do that and does it mean
You are totally able to take life in its
Stride or that you are at the door of the un-know?

Seemly enough I am not there.

Maybe I will never be and I am guessing its okay. The good news is I blame no one, for having a miserable earth experience, I have the feeling of being blessed and bounty even when at my most meager selves.

Its been a long time since I wrote I hope its read.